FINAL COLUMN

As We Pass

I do beg your pardon for the following selfish entry::

I was in the middle of writing a piece on the degradation of the English language through the poetics of the past (specifically on the use of the terms related to “touch” when describing emotions) when I lost her. And not just her, but what was to be a previously decided path of life. I was to move away, far away, to a brand new world filled with intrigue, beauty, love, and personal peace.

But alas, the stress that comes with loss pits some of us at the bottom/supply-side of the food-web, as prey, and sets the rest of us outside the system entirely…as foreign invasives without a suitable means of survival. Life in all it’s statuses never ceases to bombard us with adversity, manages to find ways to crumble the foundation of even our best laid plans. Without it, we would never know what it means to love, but as soon as we know it, it soon takes it all back. And sadly, you never know the meaning of your life, itself, until moments before it’s gone. This is a reality we all must face.

Every morning I wake up anticipating certain things… But those thoughts never make it passed the cerebral. There’s a distance, a divide between us, that seems closer & further depending on my mood. One moment she seems closer than she is, almost within grabbing distance, while at other times she feels worlds away.

While my best laid plans have crumbled beneath my feet, I continue my journey, knowing that someday our paths will cross again. This comforts me. I will always think of you… And no matter what the resolve–no matter how sad, hurt, longing, or happy our memories may be–they are what they are…and I love them for that.

Tags: distance, journey, life, longing, loss, lost, love, mom, new, selfish