FINAL COLUMN

iPhone 3g + Anyone = Jackass

So I’ve come to the discovery that every time someone uses their iPhone in public, that they instantly become an asshole. “Why?” one might ask. Well, I believe I have the answer. If you look like a douche, act like an arrogant SOB, and have a cell phone that doubles as a status symbol (to borrow from my sister) … Chances are that the world has every right to hate you.

Just like BMW drivers. Instant assholes. Just sit behind the wheel…it takes 5 minutes for the transformation to be complete! Soon you’ll find yourself in Dolce sunglasses, sporting a fresh spray tan, and vineered teeth. Also, you become the non-redneck version of Jeff Gordon. How odd, right? Grannies who usually drive 10 miles below the speed limit suddenly have 3 points in their record for speeding.

The iPhone has a similar effect, and I hate it. I find myself whipping it out for no good reason (but I mask this embarrassing admission by saying I’m checking my shifty battery life). It is kinsa funny to see who loo–see what i mean?! The whole Apple culture just makes me feel so… Dirty. I also have the Black Macbook…total douche laptop. Thanks a lot Steve Jobs…way to turn me into a poster child for the evil fruit empire.

Where do we go from here? How can I break free from the stigma associated with this phone? I suppose that once everyone has an iPhone, that we’ll all stop caring about it. I doubt this’ll ever happen, but i’m hoping for it.

Until then, I’ll borrow from what Nacho said about his earthly things, “they may have the appearance of riches, but beneath them, you find a man…and beneath the man you find his… nucleus.”

So lord help us all… Make the stupid iPhone so common that I’ll turn back to who I used to be!

Tags: annoy, bart, iPhone, public